


Umbrellas for the mourning rain

by Freidynne



Series: AlberKine [5]
Category: MapleStory
Genre: After darmoor and black mage battle, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Panic Attacks, Please read each chapter's notes for extensive trigger list!, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2019-09-21 08:18:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17040140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freidynne/pseuds/Freidynne
Summary: Alber feels like he has forgotten someone very important to him- but for the sake of his pounding headache, it's best to just drop it.It's not like he should be concerned with anything other than mourning for his dead bestfriend right now.





	1. the Sound of your lonesome heart ticks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alber did not fare too well.  
> (Please read Chapter notes for List of triggers)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of triggers, Listed here.  
> Be careful before you read. 
> 
> -Depression  
> -Suicidal ideation  
> -Hallucination  
> -Vomiting  
> -Self harm  
> -PTSD- like symptoms

 His ragged breathing could be heard from across the hallway in a dimly lit bathroom. There, upon glancing at himself in the mirror, Alber sees bags that have deepened in colour and in-depth a long time ago. 

 

The water drips down his face as he splashes himself once more with its coldness. The temperature briefly granted him some form of alertness, grounding some of his anxiety in the process. 

 

He goes to wipe off the water with a towel, patting away the excess from his skin. Running a hand through his messy locks, he attempts to straighten his hair out.

 

' _Gross.'_

 

His hair was disheveled from the cold sweat, some strands stuck to his scalp, while others were displaced from their usual spot. The clothes that were once a bit too big for the Lev's toned body had stuck on tightly with the dampness of his skin.

 

He couldn't sleep that night again. What was supposed to be a three-hour power nap turned into a nauseating nightmare. It ended up with him vomiting everything he had eaten beforehand. Well, not like he had eaten much in the first place, that is. 

 

Another meal was wasted much to his dismay. At this point in time, the Lev contemplates if he should be eating at all, since all of it would end up down the toilet, mixed with a good portion of bile.

 

It was absolutely disgusting, always leaving a rancid taste in his mouth, that required him to rinse out more than once. 

 

' _Again....'_

 

Alber thinks to himself, questioning when his night terrors would end. Already knowing the answer to that question, he sighs. He was to be plagued with horrifying dreams until he dies. And there was no cure for this. 

 

This ceaseless cycle drained him more than the monotonous work he had ahead of him.

 

He was so tired. Tired enough for his body to be shaking from the residual anxiety of his panic attack. He was tired enough to not want to slam his fist into the mirror in front of him.

 

Tired enough for all of his frustrations and self-hatred to be whittled away by menial thoughts of self-pity. The man knows he can't stop here because being tired isn't an excuse to give up.

 

But it doesn't mean it wasn't so **damn** tempting to do so. 

 

' _Get up.'_

 

Is what he tells himself to do but his body doesn't comply with the demand. He was standing in front of his reflection, gripping the marble countertop to compose himself.

 

His hands still shook from the imagery replaying in his mind over and over. After another pause he tries moving from his position once more with the little strength he has left.

 

Despite his efforts, he still stops dead in the tracks when he sees a fleeting image in front of him. 

 

**A dead cold body was lying in front of him. It was faceless, but the figure was very familiar. He knew who it was, but he couldn't, he couldn't face the truth.**

 

Alber's knees buckle from the sight as he wrenches his head in the opposite direction. His slumped body edges itself further from the carnage in front of him.

 

_'Don't look, don't look- It's not real.'_

 

His mantra repeats again and again, but he can't help but keep staring, entranced.

 

Despite all his attempts to rationalize what he is seeing, it felt real. It looked real. It smelled real.

 

The former captain can still smell it, the stench of days old rotting flesh. He immediately felt another wave of nausea creeping up before he manages to swallow it down. 

 

' _No.'_

 

He thought he was stronger than this. He shouldn't be afraid. He needs to get up and walk past his past. The former captain just needs to breathe.

 

So he tries.

 

He shakes his head and closes his eyes to steady his breathing. When he opens his eyes once more,  the scene was gone, as expected.

 

It was a recurrent event involving glimpses of body bags, or slumped over corpses. They were common but he still couldn't get used to it. 

 

He bites down on his lip and pushes himself up, ignoring the slight tremble of his fingers. Alber refuses to think about the past. But the past refuses to let go of him.

 

Trudging out of his bathroom he turns to gaze at the mess of the sheets he was previously lying in. Going back to sleep could mean two things for the man, one, possibilities of resting for at least another hour. Or two, another haunting dream.

 

Both of which he knew were meaningless in helping him alleviate his deep-rooted exhaustion. The Lev turns towards his kitchen to start the day extra early, at 4:30 in the morning.

 

His calloused hands reach out for the kettle and placed it on the stove. He watches the flames light the bottom of the metal pot, caressing its body with its heat, before mulling over his thoughts once more.

 

This had become a routine for him, working late, coming home and washing up, eating, and then throwing up what he had eaten the night before. 

 

It wasn't healthy, he knew that. This was his punishment. His punishment for his crimes, for slaughtering ceaselessly, for letting his best friend die. Besides, he believes that no form of help will ever cure him of his guilt. He didn't want to be cured, he doesn't deserve it.

 

' _Maybe I should shower.'_

 

He looks down at his skin that was still a bit red from his last shower. He had scrubbed his skin raw under boiling hot water to release some steam.

 

Showering was the only thing that alleviated his bloodied conscience just a little. Even so, there were times Alber couldn't wash off the dried blood that had caked on his skin.

 

No matter how hard he scrubbed or scratched, the colour and the feeling just stuck onto him. 

 

And thinking about the blood he can't wash off, causes him to subconsciously pick at his raw skin once more.

 

His hands continue to scratch until the first pearls of blood began appearing.

 

It felt satisfying. 

 

However his hands soon stopped as the kettle rings. Alber sighs and turns off the stove and pours the water in the teapot for it to steep. Once that was done, he poured himself a cup of tea and sat down. 

 

He sat and waited as if he was expecting an answer for all of his questions and thoughts. But the silence of his living room simply echoed back at him.

 

' _There is no one but myself here.'_

 

He stared into the cup that reflects his heavy gaze, seemingly lost with his life. What does he do now?

 

His entire life, he was merely fighting for the right to live. He was fighting for other's right to live and now he has **nothing** to live for.

 

The centuries worth of guilt that stockpiled in his heart had finally ended up spilling forth in a flood. He was drowning in his own thoughts, that he can't be saved from.

 

And now he can't seem to help but stare into the distance, his mind replaying the grotesque imagery in his head he had wanted to discard.

 

_'I deserve this.'_

 

Is what he thought over and over, letting the secrecy and dimness of his home drown him in darkness. And many times he wished he had suffocated from the stagnant air of his home.

 

Despite everything, he still struggles to keep himself alive, because that what was given to him. He had fought this war to live, and won it. 

 

_'I can handle this.'_

 

It was what Alber had rationalized with senseless doubts and pities. He works until his body collapses, he thinks until he breaks, he sleeps until he can no longer tolerate seeing the ghostly carnage of Ark's corpse in front of him.

 

 _'I'm sorry_.'

 

It was all because he didn't do enough. If he had just gotten in time that day, Ark wouldn't have died. He wouldn't have to see the spear plunge into the half-specter's ribcage.

 

He wouldn't have to bury his limp body alongside the rest of the fatalities amongst the battlefield. He wouldn't have to repeat empty apologies to someone that won't listen to them.

 

They had won that fight against Darmoor, but at what cost? To Alber, it costed him everything. 

 

It wasn't like he had much to begin with. This war robbed everything from thousands of people. And now he can't even stare at himself without wanting to scream at his own incompetence.

 

What was once a stoic and ruthless killer had been turned into a guilt ridden sinner. But just because he was suffering doesn't mean he would be forgiven so easily. He never will be. 

 

Glancing at the tea in his hands, the Lev takes a sip, only to realize it had already gone cold.

 

_'What was the point in living?'_

* * *

 

 


	2. You need shelter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Under the pouring rain, he stands alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger list for this chapter.
> 
> -Referenced self harm  
> -existentialism  
> -unhealthy coping mechanism

The rain drips down from his already drenched coat to his boots. He wished his boots weren't water resilient, that way he could feel the bite of the rain's coldness through his entire body too.

 

His hair was slick and matted from the cool moisture falling from the sky.

 

Once again, he had finished another daily mission given to him by the Maple Alliance.

 

'He had to fight for the safety of this world', is what Ark had once told him. But in his own mind, it was to let out the anger and anxiety that had  haunted him.

 

Hunting became a catharsis he had sorely needed. He enjoyed ripping through his enemies, as much as he enjoyed peeling off his skin one layer at a time.

 

He enjoyed seeing the blood pour down from the punctures he made in their bodies, just like how he enjoyed his own blood trickling down his self inflicted injuries.

 

Without it, Alber would resort to taking out his frustrations on his own weakened and hungry form.

 

Not like he wasn't already doing that at home anyways..

 

The rain was enough to wash away the hot blood coating his fingers and jacket. The coldness bit his skin until it was red from the lack of heat. He stood there until he felt his fingers turn numb from the icy sensation. 

 

Where else would the man be if he wasn't hunting? Maybe at home sulking once more? Maybe visiting graves of his beloved ones? 

 

What about friends? None.

 

What about family? They had died a **long** time ago.

 

Everything he had, disappeared as quick as his hopes did. It turned into a fine dust he had tried desperately grapsing on to, before it was blown away into the wind.

 

There wasn't even a suitable gravestone marking their passing. it was all destroyed by the ravaging violence years ago.

 

And now, he can only remember them in his memories.

* * *

 

_He remembers the make shift grave he dug for Ark's corpse. He remembers the hands on his shoulders trying to comfort the absolute anguish he felt as he shovelled the dirt over the body._

 

_He doesn't notice the unnamed voice speaking to him in a barely audible volume, trying to calm him. He didn't notice how much time had passed by, until he saw the sun setting._

 

_It didn't feel real. It couldn't be real, right? He was sure if he had rationalized hard enough, or when he wakes up in the morning, he would see his bestfriend walking to greet him once more._

 

_But when morning greeted him the next morning, accompanied by the sounds of battle, the grave marker was still there._

 

_Alber didn't realize that he was curled over the grave screaming, until his voice went hoarse._

 

* * *

 

 

"I have nothing to live for." 

 

He mumurs to himself, gazing at his sorrowful reflection in a small puddle. The sound of the piveting rain and wind blew through the barren trees once more. 

 

For a split second he could hear distant laughter of Ark and him back in their academy days. That brief moment was the enough to make his eyes well up with tears once more.

 

' _Please..'_

 

He wiped away the hot tears from his scrunched up face, as he breathe in a breath of cool air. The air hit his lungs sharply, allowing him to savour the chilling sensation for a moment.

 

His eyes closed, seeking a prayer to ease his heavy heart. Despite knowing how futile praying and begging was, he couldn't help but look for anything to hold onto. He needed something. 

 

' _I'm losing the little hope I have left.'_

 

_'No.. I think I have already lost it.'_

 

He was once a man of rationality. It had been his strength in strategizing, fighting and split decision making. But his strength had soon ended up turning him into an obsessive fool, unable to let go of what is gone.

 

Alber stood there for what appears to be a long time, enjoying the silence of the plain muddy fields.

 

It wasn't until he felt the rain stop, was when he reopened his eyes.

 

It was safe to say, maybe god had listened to his prayers this time around.

 

"You must like showers." A man a few years younger than him holds a small umbrella over his head. It sheltered him enough from the pouring rain, but still the wind had wracked his body full of shivers.

 

However, their kindness had caused the stranger to get soaked by the rain instead of him.

 

Alber did like showers, but wasn't in the mood to respond to the ironic comment. Not quite. Instead he nods and stops to observe who was besides him.

 

A man, slender and tall, wearing only a light white dress shirt, accompanied by black jeans that stood out in this coat favoured society. All of which you shouldn't be wearing in such damning weather.

 

His skin was pale, but became paler as he stood in the freezing rain, extending an umbrella to him with a warm smile.

 

He looked like a delicate flower, caught up in a winter storm. He was someone with warm eyes that had immediately captivated his gaze.

 

But the compassion behind his expression reminded Alber of a certain cheerful red-head. And as a result, the Lev turns his gaze towards the puddle below him.

 

Even if his heart was hardened by the devastation he had faced, he still couldn't help but frown at this man's actions. 

 

' _Go away.'_

 

Is what he wanted to tell the man. He wanted the human to leave him be in silence. He wanted to him to go because he was disturbing his mourning.

 

But because he still has a bit of decency left inside him, the only thing that left his mouth was a question.

 

"Why"

 

He starts out by asking why is he helping him. Why extend an act of kindness to a stranger you don't even know?

 

Never has anyone have done that for him. The man had to work hard to climb the ranks of his military alone. He had to do solo missions alone. He ate, slept and worked alone.

 

Alber was always on his own in this world. So, he hasn't been in company of another living being in such a long time. It was to the point he had even forgotten how to properly converse with another being.

 

And that's why today felt so unsettling for the Lev.

 

"Because you looked cold."

 

The simple response came out of the shorter man's mouth. Suprisingly, Alber did not feel a sense of manipulation, or hidden strings attach to his intentions. But he still couldn't fathom why he would sacrifice his own health for another person's.

 

"I really should get going. And so should you."

 

What had intended to sound curt, ended up cold and flat by the tone of his voice. He doesn't need someone looking out for him.

 

And the fact that someone is, is already making the Lev uncomfortable already. Suspicons about this stranger began stockpiling, as Alber wondered if he should just flee from the scene.

 

But instead of a protest from the other man, the stranger simply complies with a shrug.

 

"Hm, alright. But atleast take my umbrella with you."

 

The stranger's pale hand gestures him to take the object. At first, Alber shakes his head but the latter's insistence makes Alber sigh and reluctantly accept the offer.

 

He just wanted the other party to get some shelter before they catch the flu because of him.

 

"Thank you." 

 

He tries to force out a small smile but it ended up looking crooked and unnatural with his exhausted expression.

 

The other party chuckled a bit at his attempt, before running his hand through his soaked hair.

 

"Take care and next time be sure to take your showers at home."

 

The mysterious young man disappeared into the distance, leaving splashes wherever his sneakers touched.

 

Even after he leaves, Alber still couldn't help but wonder about the man that had just appeared besides him.

 

For now, he needs to go and dry off. With the umbrella still in his hand, Alber walks back home.

 

The silence of the rain and the crispness of the air lingered on his mind, in place of the memories that he usually thought of.

 

' _What should I eat for dinner?'_

 

He muses for once. His hunger was knawing at him more than usual today and his appetite was slightly better.

 

It wasn't until he had reached his doorstep, that he had realized his haunting thoughts had stopped for the time being.

* * *

 

 

He had forgotten to ask the slender man for his name.

 


	3. A homecooked meal for the needy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hearty meal warms the spirit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning list for this chapter!!!!
> 
> Please read before continuing on!!!
> 
> -Attempted suicide  
> -Vomitting

Kinesis met a man that day. After another day of daily grinding, the hero decided it might be a good time to go get some hot lunch, before returning back to the deep blue hues, of the Arcane River.

 

Little did he know, it was going to start raining the second he stepped out of his meeting with Neinheart. How unfortunate. Everyone ran for shelter, except for the lone human who brought out his small umbrella and skipped in the rain. 

 

He sang a tune to himself, that was playing on his phone repeatedly. No matter how many times he sang along, the tune of his voice always sounded a bit off key. 

 

It wasn't a profession he was seeking to explore, as the humming was purely done to get his heart off of the thoughts that had troubled him.

 

Kinesis has been quite lonely for some time now. The only companion he had left, was the rain following him wherever he goes. And whenever it decides to greet him, it does so on his most lonesome days.

 

His shoes were drenched in the freezing rain that hit his exposed arms and body. The man did not regret not bringing a coat, because that would only get in the way of his training.

 

Taking a longer route back home, he couldn't help but notice a figure in the distance, staring distantly in the rain. Being himself, Kinesis couldn't help but extend some shelter to the lonesome figure.

 

People with empty hearts tend to gravitate towards each other, after all.

 

* * *

 

_The sound of crushing bones accompanied the image of  blood pooling all around him. He thinks some of the blood had gotten inside his mouth that had been agaped by the sight in disbelief._

 

_'No..'_

 

_Ark winced upon impact, his body falling to the ground from the pain. As the blood continued pouring from his wound, he struggled to maintain his feeble strength._

 

_The man struggled to get up, his arms wobbling as he tried to shift his weight. But to no avail was he going anywhere._

 

_"Al.. ber..."_

 

_The former captain immediately sprang forward, flipping the half-specter to lie on his back. Despite the immense pain he was in, Ark still smiled with blood dripping from his mouth._

 

_"Don't... don't talk! I can stop the bleeding!"_

 

_He desperately used his powers to seal the wound, but knowing how the spear had punctured his lungs, Ark might not make it to the medical tents in time._

 

_And the half specter knew this himself. He wasn't afraid of dying, but he knew Alber was afraid of him dying._

 

_Using his free hand he places it on top of Alber's to calm his trembling. The former captain was scared he was going to lose his only companion. But Ark wants him to know, that he will never be alone._

 

_"I'm glad I kept my promise."_

 

 _He smiled as if he was going to die. (Because he was.)_ _But the taller Lev refused to believe that possibility._

 

_'There has to be another way- Anything. Please!'_

 

_He realized that there was another person besides him, attemtping to do the same and keeping the blood from gushing out._

 

_Both of their hands became caked with blood that never stopped pooling around them._

 

_Nothing worked, the wound won't seal. He felt Ark's pulse weakening, his breathing quickly becoming more shallow-_

 

_"No. Don't go-"_

 

_"Please!"_

 

* * *

Alber threw the sheets off of him and ran to the bathroom, throwing open the door. He immediately threw up without a second to spare, the fluids hitting the water below with a sickening plop.

 

He breathed again, this time only smelling the rusted blood on his hands from that day. The smell had caused him to heave once more and then again and again.

 

With his body slumped against the bathtub, Alber closed his eyes and hid his face in his shaking body.

 

His head throbbed from dehydration and the insomnia all catching up on him. In the end, he couldn't keep his promise to Ark. 

 

Alber hadn't managed to save Ark. And that is why he will carry on this immense burden and guilt.

 

But for how much more longer can he endure this?

 

He didn't want to see these dreams anymore. He didn't want to wake up, sleep, or even eat when all of it just made him feel worse. 

 

He was so fed up with being tired. His body can no longer function properly. It was as if all of his muscles screamed everytime he moves, or thinks about moving.

 

That's why...today might be the day, he can finally sleep soundly. Overwhelmed with desperation and adrenaline, Alber rushes to his room.

 

Taking a knive from his bedside he presses the blade onto his neck letting the stinging of his flesh remind him of the embrace of death. A few drops of blood dribble down his throat, coating his white shirt drenched in sweat.

 

He was such a coward, it was utterly pathetic. But even so.. even if he had wanted death more than anything, his mind replays a single line to drag him back to reality.

 

' _You have to keep living. Find something, anything to hold on to.'_

 

And with that, Alber chucks the blade across the room, and presses his hands deep into his face.

 

 _'Why'_ His past self had asked the same exact question to the ghostly image of Ark.

 

_' **Because I want you to live.'**_

 

His breathing becomes more ragged as he felt his anger towards himself increase.

 

"It's not fair."

 

_**'I know.'** _

 

He repeats to no one but himself. The silence of his home drowns out the soreness of his muscles and the pain of the fresh cut on his neck. 

 

Despite everything, he will respect Ark's last wish for him. That was all he could do from now on.

 

His gaze wonders to the lone umbrella standing on its own in the corner of his room.

 

Right, the man still has to return it. Maybe that could be his reason to carry on, for now.

 

* * *

 

"Here again?" The stranger turns his head to the sound of Alber's voice behind him. The human sat on an empty cargo box, mindlessly flipping through the images on his phone.

 

"I could say the same thing about you. It's unfortunate that it won't be raining today." The man stands up to greet Alber with a small smile. 

 

 The both of them have a tendency to meet up at this desolate location where no one visits.

 

Alber nods, hoping to keep this interaction short, he hands the man his umbrella. 

 

"Thank you for the other day."

 

Kinesis sighs and gestures him to keep it. The act only causes Alber to frown. He refuses to keep the umbrella and returns it with a little more force than usual.

 

"You really must not like umbrellas now, do you?"

 

The shorter man chuckled before accepting his umbrella back from the man. He honestly wouldn't have minded if the Lev kept it. But the man really seems to be in a rather sour mood today, and maybe Kinesis could change that.

 

**A smile always looked better on the latter's face.**

 

Seeing how there was nothing left to be said between the two, Alber turns to depart from the scene. He had given back what he owed, and that was it. 

 

' _Nothing more, nothing less'_

 

And right before his foot could even take the first few steps away, the man calls back to him.

 

"Wait! Let me pay you back for returning it to me at least."

 

Kinesis grabs onto the Lev's sleeve which then transitions to grabbing onto his wrist. The human's warmth radiating from his finger tips, contrasts the cold clamy hands of Alber's own.

 

Alber tries not to flinch from the interaction, not wanting Kinesis to see his bandages underneath. Wanting the man to let go already, Alber sighs and reluctantly agrees to his backwards logic.

 

"It should be me treating you.. not the other way around.."

 

The words had slipped out of his mouth so easily causing Kinesis to chuckle. 

 

"Trust me, people don't return my stuff that often." 

 

The words the human had said were an excuse to get the latter to stay. But what he had said was not a complete lie. The hero had gotten so used to people leaving him, that he had forgotten what it was like to be in the company of another person once more.

 

_'I should really leave...'_

 

Is what Alber wanted to say and excuse himself from the situation. Maybe he could come up with a petty excuse to allow himself to escape.

 

Maybe he shouldn't have stared into the lilac pair of eyes in front of him.

 

The warm irises had manage to melt away a bit of the walls around his heart. And Alber had made sure to build each one with ice. Regardless of his efforts to look away, the man ends up sighing in defeat.

 

"Hope you're hungry. I think I made too much to eat."

 

Kinesis rubs the back of his head sheepishly, as he gestures the man to walk besides him.

 

And thus, Alber follows the man to his home. It couldn't be that bad, since it wasn't like he had anywhere else to go.

 

"My name's Kinesis and I hope to get to know you better Mr. Rain."

 

"It's Alber."

 

The Lev corrected the man, only because he was trying to be polite. (And how he doesn't like that particular nickname Kinesis had came up for him).

 

"Well, why didn't you say so?~"

 

* * *

 

It was a well organized and furnished home for one person. The minimalistic style complimented the man's looks. His living room was decorated with black and white leather sofas, accompanied by the monochromatic frames of art hanging on the walls.

 

The air of his home spoke a level of professionalism and a degree of wealth that was all hard earned. From Alber's own observation he could tell that the man really like cosmetics and acessories. These items adorned the vanity walls and drawers near the walls of his home.

 

Alber could say Kinesis was a highly functional person, in contrast to his current self. Did this make Alber feel a bit insignificant? Yes. In fact, he felt really insecure.

 

Speaking of feeling uncomfortable, Alber always seems a bit stiff in new foreign envrionments. But the man's welcoming attitude during their walk home, had managed to ease most of his worries.

 

"Please don't be nervous." 

 

Kinesis softened his expression and took off most of his accessories adorning his small wrists. The man was slender enough that Alber could snap his bones in one swift motion.

 

' _What? He just invited you into his home. And you're thinking about murdering him?'_

 

Not like he was going to do that... it was just another one of his intrusive thoughts that had shamefully made its way to his consciousness. But still a good backup plan if everything goes to hell.

 

Even so... he can't imagine himself hurting someone with such a nice smile.

 

They sat down across from one another in a table set too large for two people. Judging by the number of dishes laid out, it seems like Kinesis really did make too much for one person.

 

The meal itself was twice the amount that Alber would normally be able to keep down on most days.

 

The hearty meal had contained, soup, salmon steak, soft egg rolls, fried chicken and rice. It was all still very warm, suprsingly.

 

Alber looks down and up at the man. Was it really okay for him to be eating with a stranger he just met?

 

"I... is this really okay?"

 

Kinesis smiles and nods back at him, encouraging him to eat.

 

"Well it's my treat, so please eat up."

 

Alber's stomach growls and he begins by taking a bite of food. The food manages to warm his body. This was a sensation he hasn't felt in a long time.

 

In response, he let out a ghost of a smile that was noticed by the man seated in front of him.

 

"Hope it isn't too bad, I haven't had guests over in long time."

 

Bad? No, it was delicious. The salmon was perfectly seasoned and the egg was fluffy and cooked to the right degree. The chicken was nice and crispy and was accompanied by a sweet and spicy sauce. It was a simple meal executed very well.

 

The words Alber had wanted to say about the food, ended up being mixed with a mouthful of rice he was currently stuffing into his mouth.

 

"Tis- goof" 

 

He immediately flushed and covered his mouth, trying to retain a bit of his dignity left. But to no avail.

 

"Ha ha, that's 'goof' to hear than!" 

 

Kinesis chuckles and picks up another piece of chicken and places it on Alber's plate. The Lev only stares at it, unsure if he should be really eating more than needed.

 

"Cmon, I know you're still hungry."

 

Kinesis takes a sip of his own soup, showing that there is enough food to go around.

 

Alber's stomach growls at the moment of his protest. He decides to munch on the chicken before he could say another thing.

 

It wasn't long until they had finished. Alber tried insisting that he should do the dishes. Their little argument ended up with Kinesis washing and Alber drying the plates.

 

"Why did you lend me that umbrella? You ended up being completely drenched that day. Why be so kind to someone you don't know?"

 

"Everybody needs a bit of help sometimes. Plus, you seemed similar to a person I've once known. And it's not wrong to want to get to know other Alliance members."

 

Kinesis' eyes look down at the plates he was washing. Alber can't tell if the man was lying or not. But judging by how genuine everything had seen till now, the man was truly a saint in this world.

 

* * *

 

They talked for awhile after that, usually ranging from topics like place of origin, alliance work and home life. All to which Alber gave the bare minimum information. The past wasn't something he had particularly wanted to revisit. 

 

"I don't live with anyone really. My family passed away a long time ago, so I've been on my own for awhile now."

 

He looked down and placed his hands on top of his knees. A second later he felt Kinesis gently place his hands on top of his own. Alber looks up to see a look of understanding before the human spoke up once more.

 

"That makes the two of us, I suppose."

 

The younger man in front of him didn't mind his short answers. He was always considerate in the way he listened and how he never pressed the subject even further.

 

The human's body relaxed language contrasted that of his own.

 

He can't help but feel at ease with the younger man, and this doesn't happen with just anyone. Alber was notorious for keeping his guard up at all times, even around children.

 

So he found it strange for his body to not listen to his mindful wariness involving a stranger and a new envrionement. It was as if he had known Kinesis for much longer than he was aware of.

 

 He felt safe, warm and relaxed for once. His self destructive thoughts weren't burdening him as much as before. And because of that Alber couldn't help but feel a bit drowsy from the lack of sleep.

 

"Oh? Feeling alright?" Kinesis tilts his head at him, as the Lev nods.

 

"Just a bit tired, I'm sorry. I should leave."

 

"No, stay. There's a storm out right now, and it looks like you could use a nap."

 

Soon enough, Alber felt himself fall asleep from the warmth and fullness of the meal and tea.

 

* * *

 

The man lying on his couch had fallen asleep. It was obvious that Alber was exhausted to no end, judging by the dark bags under his eyes. But the hero did not mind, pulling a blanket over the man, Kinesis kneels down to closer examine the features of the Lev.

 

Kinesis had a bit of trouble controlling himself, especially when the Lev gave him that sweet smile during their meal.

 

The way his hair was still silky through his fingers when Kinesis gently touched them. The way how his peridot eyes shone so innocently when eating the meal provided. 

 

He knows he shouldn't be doing this, but the hero doesn't care anymore. All he could feel was the thrill of brushing away the soft locks covering the Lev's perfect face.

 

As expected, Alber was still as beautiful as when he first saw him. (Long ago..)

 

"I've finally found you again.."

* * *

 

 

"....No.." Alber mutters in his sleep, shifting a bit under his blankets.

 

Seeing the tears form and drip down from Alber's  eyes, Kinesis wipes them away and places his warm hand on Alber's forehead. 

 

_'Is he still having nightmares?'_

 

Knowing just the trick, Kinesis' bracelet glows a soft white light to ease the intensity of the bad dream

 

The warmth of his hand and his powers seemed to have made Alber stop shaking. Eventually his body seemingly relaxes in his touch.

 

Even if he doesn't remember Kinesis, the human was glad to be in his company once more.

 

* * *

 

 

Pressing the mug Alber had previously used to his lips, Kinesis takes a sip of the lukewarm tea left.

 

He savours the flavour. What was previously bitter had completely changed.

 

_'It's sweet.'_

 

He then glances at the sleeping figure and smiles in pure bliss.

 

* * *

_**Finally, you're back home.**_


	4. Please don't disappear- butterfly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will I forget everything? Just like a dream, will you get left behind?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger list!!
> 
> -Implied/ referenced self harm.

" _Hey Yuna, looking astonishing as usual~"_

 

His words were playful and practiced to gain the attention and flustered state of the vice president. It was successful in which Yuna turns around and smacks him in retaliation.

 

" _It would be great if you placed as much effort into paperwork, rather than flirting."_

 

Yuna waves her clipboard in the air, while angrily gesturing to the stack of paperwork left on Kinesis' desk. The man obviously did not have any intentions of finishing whatsoever.

 

He couldn't help but not focus on his paperwork when he was too busy staring at Yuna. He loved Yuna's hair, it was almost a royal satin purple.

 

Everytime the vice president sat next to him, he couldn't help but smile and offer to braid her hair, to which she reluctantly agreed upon.

 

"How are you better than me at these things?" Yuna pouts but to Kinesis it was a form of cute adoration.

 

They were seated in their usual spot once more. Kinesis stares out the window while braiding Yuna's hair. He was pondering about his future and that of the world.

 

His mind thinks back to his friends. Maybe they could stay together even after highschool and university. Maybe Kinesis wouldn't have to end up alone.

 

_"Kinesis, are you slacking off again? Hey?"_

 

Her voice rang out to him, and when the hero turned to face the woman, she was gone. All that was left was the empty classroom and scattered papers on the floor.

 

Yuna had died a long time ago. And all he had to remember her by was her golden hair tie, that he now keeps wrapped around his wrist.

 

If he can't be with her, he will be like her, kind hearted and hardworking.

 

" _Remember to smile and move forward."_

 

That was what she had told him, when her fragile body was strapped to the hospital bed. Those words ended up sticking to him for years to come.

 

He was resilient, but not foolproof. For he still aches and yearns for her to hold him once more.

* * *

 

Kinesis slowly gets up and looks at the empty space around him.

 

"Did I fall asleep?"

 

He asks himself while looking outside the window. The sun was rising and he was pretty sure Alber was still in the other room sleeping about.

 

Thinking back to the dream, it had been years since his friends were alive. And that was enough to remind Kinesis of how incompetent and alone he was.

 

' _Maybe if I got there on time.. Yuna would still be here'_

He truly felt alone, but he knows he isn't. There was someone left that he had cared for.

 

_That's why during that one day, he decided to extend a hand to the rain soaked Lev._

 

It was heartbreaking when Kinesis ended up being forgotten by 'him'.

 

Stretching out his arms, he stiffles a yawn and begins his day once more.

* * *

 

"Did you sleep well, hun?" Kinesis walks over to the Lev who was getting up to leave. He notices how the blankets and pillows were folded neatly and stacked on a pile.

 

'He's still organized...like before..'

 

The sight causes Kinesis to be a bit relieved. The man was worried about how Alber's home would look like, especially when he wasn't functioning as well as before.

 

"Yes. Thank you truly." Alber flinches at bit at the human's words before he quickly makes his way to the door and bows before Kinesis.

 

This man had done so much for Alber in a short span of time. Even if the favours were merely small, Alber hadn't felt this healthy in a long time.

 

Kinesis smiles back at him, wishing him a safe travel home. But secretly, he wished that Alber would never leave him (again..)

 

* * *

 

Alber's shoes patted the soft soil that was wet from last night's storm. His thoughts kept travelling back to the human, much to his surprise.

 

_'I shouldn't keep bothering him. He has his own plans to accomplish. And so do I.'_

 

The last part was a lie, the Lev had just wanted to lie face down on his mattress for another week or so.

 

Life to him felt like an endless course, and rather than walking down a destined path with an ending, Alber was drifting far away.

 

He was still walking home during the breaking dawn, and noticed  something was in his pocket. However, he decided to leave it be until he got home.

 

' _Did you sleep well, hun?'_

 

Those words Kinesis had spoken to him.... maybe... he does know this man...

* * *

 

Upon arriving at home, he fishes out the slip of paper, only to see a phone number written on it.

 

' _To get in touch?' -_ Kinesis.

 

Sighing, Alber decides not to punch the number in just yet. As usual, he really just wants to go back to sleep even after his long rest.

 

The man supposes it has always been the environment of his home causing him to drained.

 

'Makes sense... considering I keep seeing Ark's corpse here..'

 

Usually when he went out hunting or was with Kinesis, he felt better in terms of mood and energy. The company of another person had done him well, despite how uneasy people make him feel.

 

Speaking about the human, the sleep he got at his place, left Alber feeling the most refreshed he has felt in years.

 

"Although, I could've sworn I was having a nightmare before..."

 

He scratched his bandaged wrist, concentrating on recalling the dream he had just experienced.

 

After some thought, he concluded it to be a nightmare..that has stopped abruptly. 

 

He wasn't sure what happened because nightmares always caused him to wake up and vomit. Staying asleep for long was not of his norm. 

 

Regardless of what happened, Alber was back home and accompanied by the errie silence once more.

 

With that in mind, Alber's heart can't seem to help but feel a pang from the loneliness.

* * *

 

Alber spends the next few days lying face planted in the middle of his mattress.

 

He couldn't deny that the nightmares came back full throttle, but each time he felt like it was his last, a warm light would engulf his body, leaving him calmer than he had ever been.

 

He wasn't too sure what or how this was possible but judging how sound asleep he was at Kinesis' place, he was sure that the man was somehow involved with this phenomenon.

 

"You are full of mysteries, aren't you..."

 

And he just can't help but remember someone's voice way too clearly. 

 

* * *

 

 

_There was a voice humming a sweet warm tune. The clear sky above him was littered with small clouds that Alber has been counting for hours on end._

 

_Judging by his position, It looks like he was lying on something soft._

 

_'Where am I?"_

_Turning his head to the left, he sees Ark playing with Marr in his hands. The two giggle while inspecting the shiny rocks collected in a pile close to them._

 

_Seeing this reminiscent sight makes his heart wrench unbearbly, the man almost starts crying. It was the first time he had saw Ark in his dreams look so alive._

 

_"Ark?"  He hesitantly calls out to his bestfriend who tilts his head and smiles at Alber._

 

_"Hey, Alber." The red head greets him before turning back to Marr._

_'He's alive....' Alber couldn't help but feel his breath hitch in his throat as his face flushes from the tears being formed._

 

_'Thank god.' Letting a few tears roll down his face, the man feels someone wipe them away._

 

_At the moment he starts crying, Alber feels a pair of hands brushing his hair, calming him._

 

_As he looks up from the lap he was lying on, he couldn't help but notice a pair of slender wrists adorned with many bracelets._

 

_However, the face of the figure holding him was blanked out._

 

_'Did you sleep well, hun?'_

 

* * *

 

"Let's not jump to conclusions.... yet" The man sighs as he recalls the details about his dream.

 

It wasn't long before Alber groans from his throbbing head. Right, he hasn't drank much water or eaten anything lately.

 

When was the last time he had a snack? Yesterday? Or was that two days ago? How long has the man been lying in his bed?

 

Glancing at the clock, it was only 9 am, still a bit too early in his standards (which had dropped significantly during the past years). 

 

' _Get up soldier, this behavior is unacceptable.'_

 

General Limbo's voice rings out in his head, reminding him to continue no matter the struggle.

 

He hates to admit it, but no matter how hard he resented the man for turning his bestfriend's life into a living hell, some advice from the general was somewhat useful.

 

With that said, Alber proceeded to start his day once more, forgetting about the slip of paper in his coat's pocket. 

 

He leaves the house with his equipment on and with an empty stomach as usual.

 

* * *

 

Feeling the aggitation release from his body with each strike of his blade, Alber couldn't help but relish in the sight of his slain enemies. 

 

' _This isn't enough. You need to try harder or you will never be of any use on the battlefield.'_

 

Alber frowns at the General's words replaying in his mind from his academy days. Back then, he was climbing the ranks faster than any soldier in history.

 

He took on extra courrier missions and scouted countless amounts of enemy bases.

 

Alber did everything  to upsurp power from the brigadier general and kill him in his sleep. The sight of Limbo's blood dripping from his blade never made the general more satisfied.

 

This was one of the many crimes he did not regret in the slightest.

 

"Served that bastard right."

 

With another swing of his blade, the Lev envisioned one of the arcane monsters with Limbo's signature grin. 

 

' _Digusting.'_

 

His blade punctured the beast in the centre of its face, allowing the gruesome sight to soak into his mind. Instead of feeling the satisfaction he sorely needed, Alber frowned at what he saw.

 

The cute looking entity he was slaying had slumped and disappeared with a puff of smoke.

 

Perhaps he was indulging in hunting a bit too much. Maybe he needed to find a better hobby than grinding everyday.

 

' _Soldier, you need a break.'_

 

Unfortunately, Alber couldn't help but disagree with his former superior. Despite how sore his arms felt,  hunting was a good sport for the mind and spirit.

 

So a bit of pain wouldn't kill him. Right?

 

"I can handle this. It's nothing." He tries to shove away the stinging pain on his limbs before another voice rings out to him.

 

' _Or maybe you're avoiding your problems by rationalizing everything again.'_

 

The familliar voice of his bestfriend causes Alber to flinch and turn around, only to be greeted with an empty scenery.

 

 _'_ He's not here anymore...'

 

The former captain sighs and grips his blade tighter. Even if he were to become stronger, it wouldn't do him any good now, since there was nothing left for him to protect.

"It's been a while~ How you feeling?" 

 

A voice behind him causes Alber to quickly point his blade at the neck of the intruder. Whoever it was, they were intruding on his sulking and that was greatly **not** appreciated.

 

"Woah! Woah! Woah! Hey! It's me, Kinesis!" 

 

The human waves his hands in his air, desperately trying not to get hit.

 

Much to Alber's own suprise he had done everything to avoid the man and yet, Kinesis still manages to find him everywhere he goes.

 

He retracts his blade, giving the human a somewhat pointed look. 

 

"Why are you here?" He tries to sound disinterested but the small glimmer of relief in his eyes gives him away.

 

The Lev had sorely missed human's company.

 

"Training? What else?" Kinesis shrugs and proceeds to pick up a fallen quest item covered in thick slime. He then pockets it in his jeans, ignoring the staining it was causing.

 

"You can have the floor, I got the top platforms." 

 

If the Lev had not been facing the other direction, Kinesis would have seen a small resemblance of a smile on his face.

 

"Sounds good to me."

 

* * *

 

"Is that magic?" Alber couldn't help but be entranced by the floating chess pieces and raining barrage of trucks.

 

Just like the old days, he was captivated by what was new and innovative. And never had Alber seen magic attacks involving no incantations, crystals, or wands.

 

'What was his medium? How did he channel this energy?' 

 

The questions started piling up, causing Alber to curiously examine Kinesis' skills, as if he was a young student once more.

 

Kinesis flips back his hair from covering his eyes as he successfully lands another hit.

 

"Interested?" He smirks and held out his wrist with a metal bracelet adorning it.

 

Alber looks at it closely before  looking back up at Kinesis for permission to touch. All to which the latter smiles.

 

Using his scarred hands, the former captain and top student touches the translucent piece of the metal bracelet.

 

It felt cool on his fingers. Even when the item had glowed intensely, it still felt cool.

 

'So...there's  no emission of heat or chemical reactions.'  He quietly noted these details in the back of his mind before turning to interrogate the man.

 

"How does it work?"

 

Kinesis hums for a bit before clicking his tongue. Explaining human physics would be difficult, especially for someone who is new to their world's laws.

 

"It transfers a form of my overall energy emitted from my body into a more stable form to be directed and used. It doesn't use mana, wands or crystals as a medium of transfer."

 

Alber's face focuses on the bracelet, turning it over and over again before studying its material.

 

"Intriguing. If you don't mind I would like to study this a bit later on."

 

Just when Kinesis manages to nod, he hears something shuffling quickly towards them.

 

With a flick of his wrist, he manages to push Alber out harm's way and out of the angry mob of monsters.

 

"Looks like we got company~" 

 

* * *

 

"Wow, you're quite amazing at everything, really."

 

Kinesis whistles at the sight of Alber fiercely slaying the monsters with quick motions.

 

'He's still so cool...'

 

Thinking back to the past, Kinesis remembers Alber being able to take on the elite monsters all on his own. He stood tall, fought strong and continued on with a fierce determination. 

 

All of that had made Kinesis swoon and initially fall for the captain.

 

As of right now, the human himself had gotten injured earlier from the ambush. So Alber decided to do the cleaning, and the hunting. To be honest, the Lev felt sorry for not paying attention in the first place.

 

"Are you a soldier Alber?"

 

Alber almost flinches at the mention of his past life, before he nods. How did Kinesis find out? 

 

"I used to be."

 

"Ah makes sense."  The younger man hums before cracking open a potion bottle and taking a sip.

 

"What gave me away?" Alber couldn't help but be curious. He had did everything to hide away his past life from prying eyes. The only people who should know would be Ark but.. he's no longer here.

 

"Your fighting seemed kinda cool and similar to my friend who also was a soldier."

 

Alber eyes him, trying to decipher who this mysterious friend could be.

 

The High Lev's had a unique offensive combat style. So unless this man was also a Lev, it couldn't be possible that their fighting styles are too similar.

 

"Something wrong?" Kinesis tilts his head to the side, offering a potion to the man, who shakes his head.

 

"No. Just thinking." 

 

"Oh?~ No need to be jealous honey. I think you're just as cool."

 

Who knew Kinesis would enjoy flirting with him so often? Certainly not Alber. But judging by how the hero loves smirking and winking, it didn't come off as a suprise.

 

"I wasn't. ( ~~Maybe~~ ) But I want to know more about you and your friend, or even meet them. I don't come around soldiers like you that often anymore."

 

Hopefully the Lev didn't sound too forceful or rude, that wasn't the intention.

 

"Sure. But only if you actually text me this time."

 

Alber frowns and wonders what the man was talking about. But then his face lights up.

 

'Oh.'

 

He had forgotten to keep in touch with the man after all he has done for him.

 

"Sorry about that..." Pulling his phone out, Alber hastily adds the number listed and sends a message.

 

The phone across from him rings with a beep. 

 

"Yknow... I think it would've been better if you messaged a 'hello' rather than just a letter..."

 

* * *

 

12/01/XXXX - 8:50 

 

Kinesis: _did ya get home safely?_

 

Alber: _Yes. Sorry about your leg._

 

Alber: _Anyways...let's begin._

 

Kinesis: _this sounds like an ominous_ _interrogation.  maybe this was a bad idea._

 

Alber: _Apologies, I am not too great at interacting with others._

 

Kinesis: _I was kidding Al ★_

 

Kinesis: _if u didn't know, i'_ _m originally from another world._

 

Alber: _Understandable. And what world?_

 

Kinesis: _you guys call it 'FriendsWorld', lame name but its accessible through the portal in the Magician's association via Elinia._

 

Alber: _I see. What is it like there?_

 

Kinesis: _It's vast. Bigger than Maple but smaller than Grandis. Most places are busy metropolises. Though many are still ravaged by war. I kinda left yknow since my friends kinda died....._

 

Alber: _I left my home because of war and persecution. So, I understand._

 

There was a brief pause in their conversation before, Alber sees the pencil icon starting up once more.

Kinesis: _Hey, you wanna meet up again? I havent gotten to thank you for treating my leg._

 

Alber: _I'm a bit busy this upcoming week._

 

Kinesis: _that's fine, just hit me up when you're free ok? ★ and please stop straining yourself._

 

Alber _: I am not._

 

Kinesis: _ngl, you look too tired. I dont know whats wrong but if you ever need something, ring me up._

 

Alber: _Alright_.

 

It had occured to Alber that he had completely forgotten to ask the man about his friend. It's alright he'll just meet the man again later.

 

There was still a lot that Alber did not know about Kinesis, other than he has strange powers and comes from a different world.

 

His past seems to be relatively clean but he can't understand why he doesn't feel threatened by the stranger.

 

Alber trusts his instincts, he depended on them. But something wasn't adding up.

 

Something wasn't right, maybe he had met Kinesis before? Thinking back to the past still makes his heart ache and head throb.

 

_A hand extends out to him, as the figure looming over him smiles._

~~_'I'll be your_~~ _~~hero~~ -'_

 

Feeling an itch starting up once more, the man proceeds to take another scalding shower.

 

This time making sure he rubs his skin raw in the process.

 

* * *

 

Kinesis stirred in his sleep. Through the low luminescence of his room. He dreamed once more.

 

* * *

 

_He met a maroon haired, half-specter. He ended up gravitating towards the man, only to discover how kind hearted he was. And no matter how hard Ark had pushed him away, Kinesis always floated back to him._

_"I'm not made of glass, Ark. So don't worry about 'breaking me', I can take pain yknow."_

_He enjoyed their many nights by the campfire in the desert. Many times, he ended up falling asleep on Ark's shoulder, while enjoying how the Lev carefully wrapped his specter arm around his waist._

_But when Ark died that day, all Kinesis had left of him was a golden pocket watch the same colour of his eyes._

 

 _Alongside the watch, the maroon mantle was passed on to him. To Kinesis, it still_   _smelled faintly of firewood._

_Till this day he keeps those items in a secret room in his home. Sometimes when he misses Ark, he would pull out the blanket and wrap it around himself, just like how Ark_ once _held him._

 

_Maybe if he was only faster that fated day, he and Alber could've saved him._

 

* * *

 

 

_"Don't cry."_

 

_"I'm not.."_

 

_He was. Kinesis was sobbing endlessly all while foolishly pressing his blood caked hands on top of Alber's._

_If he can't be with Ark, he will be like him. A person with warm smiles and compassion beyond no end._

 

* * *

 

 

"Maybe I'll return this to Alber."

 

Glancing at Ark's most beloved keepsake that he had passed onto Kinesis, he was sure he could give it to the one who needed it the most.

 

* * *

 

Upon feeling the first rays of light shine on his skin, Kinesis slips out of bed and checks his phone.

 

After a solid week, there was still no response from the man on when he had wanted to meet up.

 

"Maybe he doesn't want to meet up at all."

 

Sighing to himself, Kinesis makes his way to another room groggily. His mind keeps thinking back to the past. He wishes Alber would remember him, that way the both of them wouldn't be so alone.

 

But the trauma of Ark's death had caused him severe memory loss. Even to the point of forgetting Kinesis himself.

 

The hero sits down with an empty heart and begins looking at the wall full of photos of his friends.

 

Using his free hand, Kinesis adds another one to his collection. Right besides the photos of Ark and Yuna he places one of a smiling Alber in his hands.

 

He brings the photo to his lips and sighs heavily with his hands pressing deeply into his face.

 

"I miss you guys.."

 

Even if he is forgotten by Alber, Kinesis will remember the Lev for years to come.

 

Even if the loneliness drives him insane.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by BTS' Butterfly  
> (That song always makes me cry...)


	5. A soft tune for the tone deaf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember, remember....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive ★

He hadn't intended to end up at Kinesis' home again. In fact, Alber doesn't quite even know where he is at in the moment.

 

' _How did I... where?'_   The immense headache he had gotten was a result from his head injury earlier on. As of right now, it appeared to him that he was resting on somebody else's bed, presumably Kinesis' considering the checkered theme blanket.

 

Any attempt in trying to recollect his recent memories had resulted in a great headache for Alber. Despite his efforts, he doesn't remember much other than his own blood drenching his coat, mixing with the cold rain as he collapsed into nothingness.

 

There was one thing for certain, the next thing he had woke up to, were his wounds were bandaged by the man looking over him with a worried expression.

 

' _Kinesis?'_ His mind manages to groggily confirm of the telekinetic's appearance caring for him. But what concerned Alber as of right now was not his own health, instead it was if Kinesis had saw the marred marks on his body.

 

"Did you see?" He hoarsely asks, trying to blink away the sleepiness to stay lucid.

 

"Yeah..." Instead of recieving a look of disgust, he was met with one of sadness. The expression made the former captain confused. Why would anyone not be disgusted by his scars? They were physical manifestations of his sins, his struggle and... his past. 

 

"Why are you upset? These happened a long time ago." Alber did not understand his sentimentality , yet something about seeing the man in distress had pained him deeply.

 

"Because you're hurting a lot even now. If I had only found you sooner, maybe I could've saved you too." Kinesis quickly wipes the tears former along the corner of his eyelids away, before giving a smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

 

"Just leave me be. I don't have a reason to live for. If I die, then that is it. There isn't much anyone could do to save me now."

 

' _I'm already too far down this lonely path.'_   

 

Even if Alber couldn't properly make out Kinesis' expression, he still heard the trembling of his voice as the telekinetic muttered something.

 

"But you don't have a reason to die."

 

The emotion, the care, the kindess he has been recieving for this man, all of that has been taken for granted. And Alber could not do this anymore, as he feared that he would have to mourn even more if Kinesis were to die too.

 

"I want to sleep." The Lev didn't want to think, he just needed some time away from the noisiness of his thoughts.

 

"Sleep up bud, but you can't give up here Al." Kinesis' bracelets jingle as he gets up from the edge of his own bed, turning his back towards Alber.

 

"For some reason, I feel like I've known you forever."

 

"Its okay if you dont remember. Just know that I'll still be here."

 

With that said, Alber had drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

When he woke up there was an object in his hand and Kinesis was nowhere to be found within his own home.

 

The rain tapped the glass windows repeatedly, serving as the only sound in the house as he stared dumbfounded at his own palm.

 

' _Ark...'_ The painful memories of Ark and the tragedy all replay in his head once more. Within a brief moment, Alber finds himself hunched over on the floor, sobbing.

 

On his hand, was the locket he had once given Ark a long time ago. 

 

Kinesis had given him what he had lost. It was the only remaining evidence of Ark and his memories.

 

* * *

_Alber crumpled on the ground in front of Ark. He looks up at the spectre gazing down upon him, at his very mercy. Before the demon raises his claws to strike him down, an ear shattering noise blasts throughout the sandy dunes._

_History was not going to repeat itself here in Verdel, and Kinesis was going to make sure of it._

_The spectre flinches, only to momentarily be blown a large distance across the dunes and into a slab of rock._

 

_The crushing impact causes the demon to lose consciousness, as its form receeds back into Ark's body, leaving Ark laying there unconsciously._

_"Whew. Got here on time." Kinesis steps up to Alber who slowly opens his eyes to his saviour._

_The winds gently part Kinesis' messy bangs and light dress shirt._

_"You... you shouldn't had interfered." Alber tries to stand up but ends up falling back on his bruised knees. If he could only escape back to Arboris, he would._

_"Hey.. easy there..." Kinesis reaches out to help the captain stand up, but his hand was roughly brushed aside._

_"Go away. This isn't your place, human."_

 

  _No matter how hard Alber had glared, the man just kept smiling._

_"And leave Ark to plummel you to death? I'm pretty sure you'll both regret that in the morning. Well, he will since you would've died.."_

 

_His so called 'savior' uses his powers to lift the general and Ark within a protective bubble of psychic force._

 

_Now that, the hero has gotten both of his subjects into custody, he decides to head on back to base._

 

_"What are you doing?" Alber tries to resist within the bubble but stops doing so when his own body begins crying out from exhaustion._

 

_"Resucing the victims, and bringing them to safety."_

 

_Kinesis takes a good look at his phone to inform the alliance of his whereabouts._

 

_"I am not a victim here." Alber eyes the man before looking back at his unconscious bestfriend._

 

 _"Maybe not in war, but certainly a victim to spectre's wrath. Now let's go_." 

 

* * *

Alber dreams of another time, the day when he almost gave in to despair.

* * *

 

_Kinesis stretches his hand out to the man crumpled on the floor._

 

_Alber's sense of direction, his pride, his righteousness. All of it had been in vain. This never ending war had reached its peak, the High Levs were almost extinct because of it._

 

_And reality itself was catching up on to Alber._

_"But what do I do now? We can't win this war.."_

_"You still have to smile and continue forward till the end. No matter what." Kinesis relays the words an important friend of his once gave him._

 

_Even during bleak and almost impossible scenarios, the telekinetic man had came out alive every time._

 

_And despite both or their futures being uncertain, Alber takes the hand in front of him._

 

_Instead of shoving everyone away, He feels better embracing and looking at the strong smile in front of him._

 

_'This is hope.'_

* * *

"Kinesis. He was there too."

 

 The man remembered. When Ark died, he felt anguish, he truly felt the punishment god had laid out for him. He despaired and for the first time in his life he had lost all sense of rationality.

 

It became clear to him that, he himself had tossed all those good memories away, to cleanse the stains that his past had on his mind.

 

And in that process, he had forgotten all about Kinesis.

 

He had thought he was truly alone. But, there was one person there for him.

 

The hand that treated his injuries, lend him that umbrella, saved him and even gave him a bit of hope. 

 

Kinesis was there and he had forgotten all about him.

 

' _He was suffering and grieving over Ark, just like he was. He was alone.'_

Picking himself up from the ground, Alber sets off with an umbrella in his hand, alongside his recovered memories.

 

He will find Kinesis.

* * *

 

Standing infront of an old grave marker, Kinesis gazes sorrowfully at his friend's resting spot.

 

"Ark.. it's been tough yknow. Since Yuna and Jay passed away, I always thought, that I  would feel better after beating the shit out of Darmoor."

 

His words hung heavy in the air, but as usual no one was there to hear them. The hero had lost so many people to him, and it wasn't easy trying to pick himself back up.

 

' _Kinesis, please come back home. Don't give up!'_   

 

(Yuna...)

 

After he spent years trying to even locate Alber. At some point he had given up. But even now, when the Lev was by his side, Alber doesn't remember him.

 

He could feel the rain soaking through his light dress shirt and chilling his body. Kinesis hasn't really realized that he was biting his lip, trying to hold back all his frustrations, until he tasted blood.

 

' _Please stop that. It's not good for you.'_   

 

(Ark....)

 

"He doesn't remember me. I really dont have anyone after this hell of a war. I- I.. just never imagined how one guy could fuck up three dimensions at once ha... ha.."

 

"If this war never happened. You would still be here eating icecream and I would be..."

 

His laugh rang out hollowly through the silence of the fields. On days like this, everyone should be tucked warmly inside of their homes.

 

To Kinesis, nowhere had felt like 'home' to him ever since he had lost the people close to him.

 

"But as Yuna told me, gotta keep moving forward. So I came here to say thanks for giving me the mantle and locket. I finally returned it to him."

 

Kinesis clenches his first with his faux optimism giving out. Everything was causing the hero to avert his gaze from the grave marker.

 

_'I can't cry, gotta be strong for them, for him.'_

 

But it was so hard not to.

 

"Miss you to bits. I still can't believe all my bestfriends left before me. It's a bit crappy to ditch me yknow. We were going to go to the beach after this war, Ark.."

 

Once again Kinesis sighs and tries to smile but it comes out crooked with the strained expression in his eyes.

 

"He's hurting Ark. I'm sorry but I'm trying everything I can... but I'm hurting too... I'm trying to be strong for him, but I miss you too... I miss you so **damn** much." 

 

' _I'm sorry Kinesis'_

 

 He could hear Ark's voice, even if he wasn't with him anymore. The words lingered around him like the fleeting images of his form.

 

"It's not your fault. Why would I ever blame you, silly?"

 

  _ **'I can only blame myself for not being enough.'**_

 

 And once again he felt the rain pivet down from the sky. Atleast, he had someone to cry with this time around.

 

"Hey Ark, do you mind if I just take a nap.. like old times?" The hero asks the empty air surrounding him only to recieve silence.

 

"Thanks..." 

 

And despite the coldness biting at his skin, Kinesis couldn't help but let his years worth of internalized exhaustion take over. He doesn't care if he freezes to death. His friends are all gone and he had never felt any colder in his life.

 

* * *

  

"Ark?" Kinesis turns his head to the half specter during a cool evening. The fire that they had made at camp crackles and spews sparks gently into the atmosphere. 

 

"Yeah?" Ark turns to him, allowing the man to finish patching up his recent injuries.

 

The war was long and dreary and everyone held the casualties with heavy hearts. But to Ark who grew up in a war, this was sadly normal to him.

 

"I'm going to be honest here. What if something happens to you. I mean Alber would be upset and I would too."

 

"You just continue on." Ark looks at him with an unreadable expression but his voice repeats those words with ease.

 

He was a soldier, he knew about death more than anyone. Even the abyss he had went through during his coma was a punishment worse than dying. 

 

"Hey, that's not funny Ark. I really dont want my friends dying on me. So, I'll save you everytime." 

 

And despite the forced smile Kinesis gives, Ark shook his head. At this rate, Kinesis may even die before him from all of his reckless heroic acts. 

 

' _Kinesis, I can't have you dying before me.'_

 

"Sometimes you can't save everyone. You may have been able to save me from specter countless of times, but this is war. There are unimaginable outside forces coming at you all at once. And soon you realize certain sacrifices are to be made."

 

"..." When Kinesis doesn"t respond, the red head lets out a sigh. The human was stubbornly protective of his friends, and Ark appreciated that sentiment. However, he doesn't want the man to be murdered because of him.

 

"You have to move on... even if Yuna and Jay aren't here with you. Just know that the same fate may happen to me. But, you're never alone Kinesis, so remember that."

 

Kinesis looks at him carefully, seemingly understanding his words. 

 

"Here." Ark reaches in to his pockets pulls out a golden object. He then hands him his locket and  unclips his mantle from his shoulder pad.

 

"Take this, it's for being here. It's not much, but should anything happen, you would have a keepsake to remember me by."

 

Kinesis nods and takes the items with a slight bow, as if he was respecting an elder.

 

"Can we not be so depressing today? I didn't think the conversation would actually get me down."

 

' _Oh. Crap.'_

 

"Ah sorry, Kine."

 

Kinesis looks up at him and moves closer. He grabs onto Ark's specter arm and hugs it in place. 

 

"Ah, whatever. I'm going to nap on you, night."

 

' _ **You made the brat upset, nice going idiot.'**_

 

Spectre made sure to point out his every flaw, and even he had become somewhat protective over the human. In an attempt to apologize, Ark threads his fingers through the latter's messy black hair.

 

 

' _If I die tomorrow, it would be alright. Kinesis wouldn't be alone regardless.'_

 

 

They sleep the night away close to each other, as if it was their last.

 

* * *

 

"Don't go, please!"

 

Kinesis slowly opens his eyes. He feels sick and dizzy but it seems like instead of being frozen by the weather outside, he was tucked in a nice large bed that is not his own.

 

' _Ugh, where am I?'_

Instead of getting up, he feels a warm large hand on his forehead, easing his headache.

 

"A-alber?" He sniffles and attempts to look at the looming figure above him. He was greeted with blurry vision and something wet dripping down onto his face. 

 

' _Huh? Is he crying?'_

 

"I won't let you go, Kinesis... you fool.."

 

Although he wasn't very lucid to comprehend what was going on, he feels his frail body being held firmly by the older man. 

 

"I remember you."

 

And that was all that was needed to be said to ease the hero back to sleep.

 

* * *

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy heck im tired.


	6. Rain rain go away.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two is better than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im alive!!!

 

* * *

 

_'Where are you?!"_

 

All those memories Alber had tossed away just to drown in grief. It was one of the worst tradeoff of his life. He was so caught up in his own grief that he has failed to realize the one person he has left.

 

' _Kinesis...'_

 

He ran through the rain trying to search for the one he at least has left. By the time he turned the corner his boots were already drenched by the cold rain.

 

_'I've felt worse.'_

 

 Easily ignoring the numbness travelling through his body, Alber quickens his pace like a soldier high on adrenaline.

 

"He's not here either." The place Kinesis and him frequents and train at was empty, even the monsters had taken shelter from the unforgiving weather.

 

Alber sighs, a hot puff of air visible in the unforgiving coldness of the evening. At this rate, the hero may freeze to death if he doesn't hurry.

 

"...I haven't checked **there** yet... but..."

 

Deciding to check one last place, Alber shakes the creeping feeling of unease from his weary mind. Even if the man hated being reminded of his loss and sorrows, he must check, there.

 

After all, he can't bear to lose another person he loves.

 

**Never again.**

 

* * *

 

 

Alber flew down towards the familiar graveyard. His heart and mind were set on finding Kinesis, rather than grieving this time around.

 

Tired peridot eyes scanned the area, trying to search for him. From grey tombstone, to black marble, Alber trudges his frozen feet further down the rows...

 

Until he sees a few new fresh flowers on two unnamed graves. Fresh? Yes. Horribly vivid and colourful and quite straining on his eyes? Yes as well.

 

' _Someone's been here...'_ The former captain shouldn't get his hopes up, there could be other mourners visiting their deceased loved ones too, he isn't the only one who lost something...

 

But strangely enough, Alber decides to listen to his intution, the unsettling feeling of his nerves push him forward to see a familiar figure slumped by Ark's grave.

 

The one place Alber didn't want to be reminded of, was the place Kinesis too had visited. They were bestfriends too, so how could the human not have mourned for him. 

 

How could the human not have sat there and watch the sun set and rise, only to realize he has lost another person that he couldn't save.

 

How could Kinesis not have cried his eyes out for Ark, the same way Alber did.

 

How could he have not thought he lost everything from the war too? Feeling the frightening realization of being alone again....

 

The Lev knows it all too well, and can only feel his heart clench at seeing how lonely Kinesis must've been without him.

 

Alber comes to understand that sentiment of grief and gripping despair. That is why, this time around Alber will be the one to save Kinesis.

 

"Hey! Kinesis!" He tries shaking the latter's form awake, but it seems like he was out cold and **freezing**. 

 

"You're not alone, you'll be okay- I.. promise"

 

Even if Kinesis can't hear him, Alber swears on his life to protect the one thing still close to him. He takes off his coat and covers it on top of Kinesis' freezing body, before lifting him up.

 

"Stay with me alright? We're going home now."

 

_Kinesis, I won't let you go this time._

* * *

 

He respected kinesis more than anyone, but there were times in the past where his humor got to him. And by that, Alber means it not in a particularly good way.

 

' _Oh for the love of...'_ The taller man covers his face with his sore hands, seemingly hiding himself from Kinesis' subtle teasing.

 

"Alber? Why not Albert?" The telekinetic man pokes at his arm in an attempt to get Alber's reaction. 

 

Alber considers giving up this time around, maybe he should allow Kinesis to have a bit of fun? Sighing, the Lev rolls his eyes and crosses his arms in defeat.

 

"I suppose you could call me that." He begrudgingly admits.

 

"Yes! Haha! How about Albaire then?" The human decides to press on, while floating from side to side. It didn't help the fact that Kinesis kept wiggling his eyebrows, mocking the captain even further.

 

"Absolutely not." Deciding this was the last straw, Alber uses his thumb and index finger to flick the human on the forehead. 

 

Kinesis pouts in response, settling on the one nickname he prefers to taunt the tired man with.

 

"Cmon Al, we're **friendsss**." 

 

' _Friends... I wish it was more than that.'_ Alber decides to keep that thought and any further discussion at bay. It was a good tactic to not add any more fuel towards this heaping mess of a discussion anyways.

 

"Are you two done flirting over there?" Ark calls out to them from afar, sounding a bit tired, but nonetheless amused from the two's interactions.

 

His specter arm was preoccupied with grilling something over their fireplace, and it smelled delicious- well more delicious than dried up ration bars.

 

"We weren't flirting" Alber clarifies. It was indeed a fact that Kinesis took up bullying him as a hobby, but the Lev will not admit to the flirting aspect.

 

"You wish you were." Ark states as a matter of fact.

 

Damn, Ark was right.

 

"Aweee Ark we love you too~"

 

Ark rolls his eyes and gestures the two losers to come over for their food. Kinesis had been the there with the three of them. Ark was no doubt greatful for the hero who rescued Alber, (from his specteral rampage) despite not knowing the drama between them.

 

Alber on the otherhand, likes to look indifferent to his presence- but is failing miserably at hiding his tsundere tendencies.

 

Kinesis was the glue that stopped their bickering and rekindled their friendship. He was somewhat  a relationship counsellor... and having one in the middle of war is quite strange.

 

Well, everyone here needed a therapist in one way or another regardless.

 

"Hey guys look alive!" Kinesis shouts before letting his wristband bask in a white light. 

 

Monsters and enemy troops must've spotted their camp fire. And just when Kinesis thought he was going to get some good food for once...

 

"I'll be on offense, Alber cover Kinesis." The half specter throws off his apron and makes a dive into his inventory for his knuckle weapons.

 

"Are you stupid? You'll die. Let me take the role-"

 

Alber does the same, shuffling quickly to place on the rings and blades into their respective spots.

 

"No-" 

 

And even in the amidst of chaos, the two friends continue their bickering, unaware of the flying debris being hurled above them.

 

"Train incoming!" A familiar voice of their 'therapist' alerts the two out of their bickering. Ark dashes towards his left, as Alber flies away from the front lines- avoiding trainwreck crashing down ahead of them.

 

"Okay you two! If you dont stop arguing I'll seriously drop a train on you both~" 

 

There was a bite to Kinesis' tone of voice that made the two former soldiers straighten.

 

"Alright.."

 

Kinesis really missed those days. Even if they were battling everyday, at least he had someone to laugh with, to eat with, to talk with.

 

But now he can't help but feel so damn alone- it hurts.

 

* * *

 

Sometimes, Alber looks back at those days and wished he could've joined Kinesis on those battles once more. 

 

Sometimes he wishes he could go back to the past, where everyone was still alive and well.

 

But he can't do that anymore, he can't focus on those memories that drive him insane with grief... with Kinesis by his side, surely he could create new ones.

 

* * *

 Kinesis woke up again only to be greeted by a warm body wrapped around his waist, all while laying in the unfamilliar bed.

 

He turns his body groggily, to meet the same handsome sleeping face he had sorely missed. 

 

 _'Alber...'_ Taking a hand, he gently brushes through the tangled locks of the Lev's hair fondly. It wouldn't hurt for Kinesis to admire the one person he had loved and missed so dearly for just one moment.

 

' _This must be Alber's house_ ' he presumes.

 

Kinesis shifts gently from the man's hold, trying not to wake up the tired Lev. He... doesn't remember how he had gotten here- in fact he could've sworn he fell asleep by Ark's grave.

 

Did Alber bring him here?

 

Ah, he must've caused so much trouble for Alber .... just like the old days. He supposes that it doesn't matter now, considering he was feeling better than the last time he had woken up.

 

"I should leave, I shouldn't bother him all the time with my antics..." Kinesis whispers that to no one but himself.

 

Upon seeing how Alber was still asleep, he should probably slip out of the room... just about now-

 

"I'm sorry, but I didn't have enough blankets and you were shivering... so I just hugged you throughout the time."

 

A voice brings Kinesis out of his escape, he turns to see how the Lev had also wanted to be close to him too.

 

 "I thought you were asleep.." Kinesis breaks out into a  coughing fit  before managing to catch his breath.

 

There were so many questions he wanted to ask, like why he was here, or what was going on, but the only thing that came out of his mouth was ragged breathing.

 

It doesn't take a minute for Alber to be ushering and tucking the both of them into bed once more.

 

It was a good thing that Alber also manages another hand in rubbing Kinesis' back soothingly.

 

"I remember you.  I missed you.. I missed you so damn much, Kinesis."

 

Those words became clear to what it meant and with that Kinesis smiles in relief, struggling to stop that aching within his chest.

 

He shouldn't cry, he shouldn't. He needs to be strong for Alber- and despite his attempts, he feels something hot roll down his face.

 

' _Damn it, haa..'_

 

"You don't know how much I missed you too Al...it's been so long.. and- and everything was just so **hard**."

 

Kinesis tears up a bit, curling his head and tucking it in Albers chest. Alber embraces him back, by wrapping his arms comfortably around him.

 

"Kinesis, it must've been hard for you too.. I'm so sorry for forgetting you-

 

"But I'm here now and I promise to never let you go."

 

  _ **Finally**_..

 

They stayed like that for awhile.

 

* * *

 

 "You think... do you think Ark would've been happy for us?"

 

The two stood in front of their bestfriend's grave, looking into their distant memories together.

 

"He is. I know he is."

 

"...." Alber raises his eyebrows and quickly runs his hand over Kinesis' forehead to check for a fever.

 

With that action, Kinesis sighs and shifts under the latter's touch.

 

"It wouldn't make sense for him to want us to dwell on his passing yknow? Even if it still hurts so much... He would be so sad if he saw both of us mourning relentlessly.."

 

Alber gives him a knowing look before turning back to the grave. Right, he has a lot of things to say.

 

"Ark I-"

 

He stops, unsure of what to say. That is until Kinesis decides to hold his hand, reminding him to take his time. Once Alber felt ready, he took a deep breath to start again.

 

"A lot has happened. But I think I can try to move on now. I know we were never at fault with your death, it just felt better to blame someone, myself."

 

"I- I think I'm ready to start again, and although some nights will be difficult, I have this idiot here to reel me back in... so please be at rest and I'm sorry for worrying you and for everything.."

 

Kinesis locks his fingers with Alber's own. It was time for him to have a say.

 

"Hey Ark, even though Al gave me a tough time..I finally found him. I'll make grill fish everyday, just like we used to by the campfires- so don't worry! He can even have your share of icecream too, hah."

 

 Alber lets out a deep breath.

 

"Ark, even if you're gone, I'll still have someone watching over me..and that is enough for me."

 

Even when the nightmares and fleeting images of the war still haunts them, even when they can't eat, nor sleep, and even when the crushing guilt of the past catches up to the both of them... as long as they have someone to confide their troubles to-

 

As long as they had each other, they'll get by, even if they barely make it.

 

'Thank you.'

 

Maybe it was the wind, or someone walking by, but the two could've sworn they heard a fleeting voice. It was time to try to start anew with their lives. 

 

Some nights will be rough, but as long as the two had each others company, they can pull through.

 

With a final sigh, the painful pangs within Alber's heart subsided.. for now.

 

The two stood in silence before Alber chuckles.

 

"It's not raining today."  He breaks the silence between them.

 

"Are you disappointed you can't have your cold showers anymore?" Kinesis tilts his head to the side and gives him a smirk. Alber was notorious for standing in the rain for prolonged periods of time after all.

 

"No, I'm kind of relieved. This way we won't be stuck out here doing missions in the freezing cold."

 

Alber closes his eyes feeling the clean air and warm spring sunlight bask on his skin.

 

'Warm.'

 

Alber feels warm for the first time in awhile and he's glad.

 

Alber smiles a bit, his eyes crinkling, the action was infectious enough to leave Kinesis laughing too.

 

"Hey, you wanna hang out this time around? You know, cause you left my last text hanging."

 

"Are you interested in getting some coffee?" Alber asks.

 

"Sure, anything is fine as long as your here, Al."

 

"I'll be treating, since I kind of broke your umbrella while searching for you."

 

"Wait what? That was my favourite umbrella! Ugh, fair enough."

 

Alber chuckles, as Kinesis tags along just like the old times.

 

' _This is enough, we'll be fine. I know we will be.'_

Shuffling away from the grave, the two smile fondly already getting themselves into another light, but well needed conversation.

 

It was time to start over.

 

* * *

 

_It didn't rain for the remainder of that week._

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY FOR THE DELAY! I am definitely going to rewrite some parts!
> 
> Either way, i really hope you enjoyed this series!


End file.
